The Mentor Chair · Clients & boundaries
The situation
The relationships are real after years behind the chair, and you’re deciding where the professional line sits.
From the mentor chair
This is one of those things that doesn’t have a perfect rule.
When you’ve been behind the chair long enough, some clients stop feeling like people who simply come in for an appointment.
You’ve seen them every few weeks for years.
You’ve watched their kids grow up.
You’ve heard about marriages, divorces, pregnancies, new jobs, deaths, vacations, family drama and everything in between.
And naturally, they’re going to know things about your life too.
I don’t believe you need to become some completely polished, impersonal version of yourself the second you step behind the chair.
Relationships are part of this industry.
Being genuine is part of what makes people comfortable with you.
But there is a difference between being real with your clients and making your clients responsible for your emotions.
Your client can know you without having to take care of you
You can tell a client you’ve had a rough week.
You can laugh about something ridiculous that happened at home.
You can celebrate something you’re excited about.
You can absolutely be human.
But I think you need to pay attention when the relationship starts flipping.
Your client came in to receive a service.
They shouldn’t regularly leave feeling like they just paid you and provided your therapy session.
That doesn’t mean you can never talk about something difficult.
Some of my longest client relationships have been very real relationships.
It means remembering that you’re still the professional in the room.
Not every client gets the same version of you
Some clients will naturally become people you know incredibly well.
Some will eventually feel almost like friends.
Others will come in for ten years and you’ll have a wonderful relationship without knowing much about each other’s private lives at all.
Neither relationship is better.
You don’t have to force intimacy to create loyalty.
Let relationships develop naturally.
And understand that different clients are going to be comfortable with different levels of personal conversation.
Be careful with salon gossip
If a client hears you constantly sharing another client’s personal business, there’s a good chance they’re going to wonder:
“What does she say about me when I’m not sitting here?”
People tell their stylists incredibly personal things.
Treat that like trust.
The salon can absolutely be funny, social and full of stories.
But someone’s private life shouldn’t become entertainment for your next appointment.
And the same goes for coworkers.
Constantly trashing another stylist, your salon owner, your boss or the person in the suite next door doesn’t make you look more professional.
Usually, it does the opposite.
Think before you unload
Before sharing something really personal, ask yourself:
“Am I sharing this because we’re having a genuine conversation—or because I need this client to help me carry it?”
That’s a useful distinction.
There are things happening in your life that may be completely appropriate to mention.
And there are things that are probably better processed with your partner, your friend, your therapist—or literally anyone who isn’t currently paying you for a haircut.
You don’t need to be fake.
You just need to know where the weight of the conversation belongs.
Try this
Think of client relationships in terms of trust rather than access.
The longer someone sits in your chair, the more you may naturally learn about each other.
Let that happen.
Be yourself.
Laugh.
Talk.
Celebrate with them.
Remember what’s important to them.
But protect what they share with you, pay attention to what they’re comfortable with, and remember that you are responsible for maintaining the professionalism of the relationship.
Mentor note
One of the beautiful things about this industry is that sometimes the person who originally booked a haircut really does become someone you care deeply about.
You don’t have to pretend those relationships aren’t real.
Just remember:
Connection doesn’t require having no boundaries at all.
You can be genuine.
You can care.
You can become part of someone’s life.
And you can still protect the professional relationship that brought the two of you together in the first place.